


Coming to terms

by can_i_get_a_hooya



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25410043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/can_i_get_a_hooya/pseuds/can_i_get_a_hooya
Summary: It's been about a week since the defeat of Horde Prime, and Catra and Adora take some time together to talk about Shadow Weaver's death.Takes place post s5
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	Coming to terms

Things after the defeat of Horde Prime were chaotic, to say the least. There were parties, huge celebrations, people pressing in on all sides at all times, wanting to catch a glimpse of She Ra, of the heroes who had brought the world to peace. There were fans, children, and tears or shouts of joy and freedom.   
Yet, there were quiet moments too.   
Moments where they all had time to get away, to breath. To hold each other and thank the stars they were all still alive. There were moments where they could finally think, times that were meant only to process any and every one of the things that had just happened to them. They picked apart the details like a delicate framework; going over memories, understanding their feelings.  
It had to have been at least a week before Catra's mind and time were free enough to come to the subject of Shadow Weaver. More important and pressing things had come first, been gone over, but in the silence that followed the issue presented itself, resting on Catra's mind like a weight and captivating her spare thoughts. She was not the best at self awareness, but she had enough to notice her mind wandering there more and more often, and the welling emotions that threatened to break with it. She had begun to learn what that meant- she needed to talk to someone about it.   
So she did something she had been doing a lot of lately.  
She sought out Adora.  
She found her sitting on a window seat at the palace of BrightMoon. It had been one of the quieter days, things were finally starting to relax now that some time had passed, and Catra was glad to see Adora taking time to herself. Adora was leaned back peacefully, watching the view spiral beneath her. Her hair was loose, for once, cascading over her left shoulder. She looked beautiful. Serene, really. Catra was compelled with the urge to dig her fingers into Adora's scalp and run her hands through the locks. After realizing no one was stopping her, she snuck up and did just that.   
Adora shrieked.  
"Hey, Adora!"   
"Catra!"   
"I've been looking for you all morning, where have you been?"  
Adora said nothing, just scooted to the side, making a space on the cushion just the size for Catra to squeeze into. She lifted an arm up in invitation.  
Catra took it, slipping next to the other's side. She fit perfectly, somehow. It was as though they were just meant to sit together like this, to be together. Two pieces of a puzzle, two peas in a pod.   
Adora used the arm around Catra to gently stroke her shoulder, and Catra continued to play with her hair, enjoying the softness.  
"Hey Catra." Adora had whispered it, barely above her breath, but close enough to Catra's ear that she could hear and feel it. It did things to her, so her only option was to hide and curl her face into the crook of Adora's neck.  
They sat that way for some time. Stilled together long enough that their breathing was synced, and that they had created their own little pocket together, away from the world, from everything.   
Catra had lost track of how long it had been before Adora dropped her arm and twisted her fingers between Catra's.  
"What's on your mind?"  
Catra shot up, looking at Adora in shock. "Who said there was anything on my mind?"  
And Adora laughed at her. "If I had my doubts before, I'm sure now."  
Catra scowled and Adora ruffled her hair. "It's this look you get in your face. Like you're getting lost in your own thoughts? I don't know, your eyebrows just curve a certain way."  
It burned to be so exposed, so readable. To know that her body language betrayed her and told her feelings to others. But somehow, with it being Adora, Catra didn't mind. It was still hard, but she trusted her, and there was something  
warm about the thought that Adora knew her well enough to discern these things.   
"You wanna talk about it? "Adora asked.  
And that was different. Catra had been working up the courage to bring up the subject all day, and to be honest still had her doubts about it. But to have an invitation slipped the words from her throat and she gaped at the other. Adora only nodded, settling back to the wall. It wasn't a "no" or a "stop". It was an understanding.   
A "take your time."  
Catra was still somewhat worried it was unwelcome, that Adora didn't want to hear it, but she pushed the thoughts aside and bit the bullet. She let out a breath.   
"Adora, I was just thinking... about Shadow Weaver."  
Adora's eyes widened before she looked to her feet.  
"Yeah.... I was too, actually."  
They had both been there. They'd witnessed her glow and grow before exploding into thousands of light sparks, taking down the monster with her.   
"She's gone."  
She was gone. Gone to a place where she could never come back. No matter what they thought of her, no matter who she had been while she was alive, it was hard to swallow.   
"I don't..." Catra choked up, "I don't know what to think."  
"It's complicated." Adora answered immediately. "And confusing, and difficult-"  
"She died for us."  
Adora fell silent.   
"She pushed me back. Out of the way," Catra forced herself to keep talking, to keep her thoughts from dying on her tongue, "I couldn't save her or help her...even if I wanted to."  
"I saw." Adora's fingers squeezed hers.  
"If she hadn't I could've helped her! We could've-"  
"Stop," Adora said, grabbing Catra's other hand, "I know where you are going with this. Don't blame yourself for her death. It wasn't your fault- she chose to do it."  
"But that's just the thing," Catra said. She looked up at Adora, exasperated, "She chose to die-so we could go on! It doesn't make sense."  
"She didn't know if I was going to make it or not," Adora said, "It felt like she was doing her part in the fight against Prime- She was making sure I could get to the failsafe in time."  
"Yea but I was distracting that thing- she could've just taken you and went! For some god damn reason she threw me out of the way and took the thing on herself-"  
"Maybe she thought you couldn't handle it?"  
"No. Listen, she said something to me. Before.."  
Adora began to rub circles into Catra's hands. It was grounding. She squeezed back, grasping to the safety of it.  
She took a moment to collect herself.  
"She said it was too late for her. But that for me, it was only the beginning."   
They both fell silent again for a small moment before Adora spoke again.  
"Not long before everything happened I yelled at her."  
"What?"  
"I told her all she ever did was hurt people. It shocked her. I don't know if she had ever thought of her actions that way before." Adora said.  
"It's hard," Catra started, dropping her gaze to the floor, "To think that what your doing hurts people. I would know."  
Adora shifted closer as Catra continued. "You know. Somewhere, deep down, but you just keep going like it's the most natural thing in the world. Being hurtful is subconscious. It's so easy to do without thinking about. She probably had never thought of what she did like that."  
"Do you think she was trying to make up for it?" Adora asked.  
"I don't know! Could she even make up for it? She spent so many years hurting us, hurting people, hurting everyone, and then out of no where she pulls this stunt and I can't know about what she thought about it- I can't talk to her, she's just gone!"  
Adora nodded.   
"I just wish I could understand it better," Catra spat, "I can't make up in my mind how I feel about her."  
"Maybe she was dealing with the knowledge of what she did in her life," Adora said. She suddenly dropped her heads to her hands and sighed deeply. "Catra, can I be completely honest with you about something?"  
"Anything."   
Adora took a while to speak, and Catra could tell she was choosing her words carefully.  
"Dying is the easy option. There's something so... comforting. Comforting knowing you can just step out, label it as the 'right thing' and never have to worry about anything again. I was ready to die at the failsafe. I was so ready to just decide it was over, that I wasn't worth it."  
Catra reached forward to touch her, to protect her. How, she did not know, but it was an overwhelming need to be there for her.  
"If I had to guess, she was overwhelmed," Adora continued, "She had to face the fact that she'd been a monster her whole life. I don't think she could handle that. She'd done too much wrong and couldn't take it. So she did the best she could, recognized that it happened and made a final act in it's honor. She did one last thing good thing in her life."  
Catra could feel emotion choking up in her throat. She struggled to swallow it down, blinking rapidly to rid moister from her eyes.  
"She died recognizing she couldn't make up for it," she said, curling her hand back into Adora's, "But she knew I had done wrong, that I had hurt people, but that I still had a chance. She wanted me to live so I could take that chance."  
Adora huffed a laugh. "And here we are."  
Catra smiled softly. "We can be happy knowing that's what she would've been proud of."  
And she remembered some of Shadow Weaver's final words. She remembered the way she had looked back, bare faced, started her in the eyes and said she was proud of her.   
"It doesn't excuse what she did," Adora said, "It doesn't make her a hero. She still hurt so many people, she hurt you, so much, and that should never be forgotten. But we can make peace with her death by knowing she at least knew she did it."  
Catra looked up at Adora. "She hurt you too- don't forget about yourself again."  
Adora looked surprised, but the surprise quickly melted into an expression of softness.  
"Hey, Catra?"  
"Yeah?"  
"I'm glad you're still here with me."  
Catra shoved her lightly. "Hey- you were the one who actually nearly died."  
But then, as she always did, Catra snuggled back into Adora's side who chuckled at her.  
"I'm glad you're still here with me too, Adora."

**Author's Note:**

> So much happened in s5 that I think there'd be a lot of need to process stuff. I figured Catra and Adora might've needed some closure around Shadow Weaver so I just started thinking about it at 1 am and this thing birthed itself. It's a complicated subject so if u have feelings plz put them in the comments! I'd love to see ur guy's thoughts.


End file.
